Posted: 01/26/03

I just hope Coco can come up with a reasonable explanation as to why Nicolas Cage looks so scary.

I'm thinking about how Adaptation is a lot like those hands. What's confusing about Adaptation is...well...where does reality leave off and the fantasy of filmmaking begin? Throughout the history of theatre, going back through Shakespeare to the ancient Greeks and Romans, the play-within-a-play motif has been common. But what about the creation of the movie within the movie? This is a movie about making a movie, but it's actually about making a different movie than the movie we're watching.

Ok...that's good! That's a start. I have a start. I wonder if there's a hockey game on?

No. Okay...back to the review then. Let's see...this movie, what else can I say about this movie? Or is it a film? It's definitely not a flick. I hate calling them flicks. That's like what you do with...It's also about the process of writing. And it's about family members who drive you insane. And it's about poaching orchids from Florida state parks. And it's even about Being John Malkovich, a little.

I haven't heard from my sister in a while. Wonder what she's up to?

Susan Orlean? Also a real woman. She has dogs and writes articles for magazines like The New Yorker. Not only did she write The Orchid Thief, upon which this movie is based, but she wrote the article Surf Girls of Maui which was the basis of the movie Blue Crush.

The thing about looking up related websites to go with my reviews is, you can't help but go to Amazon.com, and that always costs me. But I did find a used copy of Cat's Meow for $14.99.

Thing is, there's really no way to know if anything in the movie is true. No. Some things are: There really are orchid poachers, and Susan Orlean really did write an article about it and it really did become a book and Charlie Kaufman really did write a screenplay about it.

Beyond that, it's anyone's guess. Perhaps Donald knows.

Donald is Charlie's twin brother who lives with him and is an aspiring screenwriter. Only he wants to write the kinds of movies that open on major holiday weekends, the kind with lots of explosions. He wants to write flicks. So he takes a class. Much to Charlie's chagrin. (We don't think Donald's real...but he did put in an appearance at the Golden Globes...)

I still don't know what's up with that tutu, though. I hope it doesn't catch on. My closets aren't big enough.

For Charlie, screenwriting is pain. And these are the most painful bits in the move: Seeing Charlie in pain. Which was most of the time he was describing writer's block. Or laying there thinking about writing. Or looking mournfully into the camera. Sigh. There aren't a lot of movies about writer's block. You can see why, in some of this movie.

Not that I don't understand the agony of writer's block. I welcome it. Why, in writing this very review, my kitchen got very clean. And there's a coconut rum tiki drink in my fridge that I get to have as soon as I finish it. Positive reinforcement. And then there's all my friends sending me Instant Messages while I'm trying to write...it would be rude to ignore them...

The most fascinating thing about this movie, however, is Spike Jonez. As in Malkovich, you can't help but wonder: How does he get movie stars - famous, powerful, notoriously vain people - to appear onscreen as unattractive as he can get them them to look? John Cusak and Cameron Diaz, in Malkovich, he with a Jesus beard and John Lennon glasses, she frumpy and drab, were just the start. Nicolas Cage appears as two fat, balding versions of himself and Chris Cooper is missing his front teeth. This, above all else, is Jonez' talent. He brings the stars out of themselves and captures them on film at their most unflattering.

Which reminds me, I need to book a haircut appointment.

There's really no way to explain this film. It's brilliant, that's obvious. It's not like anything else, really. It has brilliant lines like You are what you love... not what loves you. It has a car chase. It has a shoot out. It has Charlie masturbating. Kind of a lot of that, actually. It has two endings so you can choose the one you like best.

"Adapt or die," said Charles Darwin, among many others. But can you adapt fast enough to avoid death? Another Charlie is trying to do just this...

Was that an ending? I think it was. Well. It could have been better, but then, what can't be? But is it good enough? Sure. I think. But will people get it? Maybe I should have a second ending, just in case...

I don't care. I get it...they can ask me if they don't get it.

I wonder if I have any snacks?

Coco Delgado lives in Cambridge-Somerville and always sits in the front row. Her 2003 New Years resolution is to see more than the 66 movies she saw last year.