Don't date that boy!!! He's an animal!

Not to be totally brutal and kill this carnal comedy, but I actually felt bad when I walked into the theatre and four or five people said, "This is a complete blunder." In other more cruel words, even the ticket taker didn't bother telling me the theatre number of the film, she just gave some nasty observations and tore my stub. Written by Tom Brody (Sports Night -1998) and directed by Luke Greenfield (The Right Hook -2000), The Animal couldn't have been better or worse - it was just there. The movie was as good as the story-line could get. I think people were more interested in seeing Colleen Haskell (Survivor) play a role on the big screen and see how well she can actually pull off another gig besides one of those reality shows that eventually ends an actors career in show-biz unless they are actually good.

I was prepared for something funny and entertaining, at the very least, because I like Rob Schneider (Saturday Night Live) as a comedian. I remember an episode that made me laugh for days, weeks, and still today; it was "Orgasm Man." What a character! Now that's something to bear in mind. Schneider should also pat himself on the back or scratch his privates for playing Marvin Mange, The Animal. Which will it be? I propose the latter since that is exactly what he does in this Adam Sandler-like, 'outside my SNL career' classic.

Haskell plays Rianna, who falls for this odd sleepy-eyed little man. Haskell is actually a good actress despite what anyone else says, I hope she goes far. Little does she know, Marvin had a car accident and a crazy scientist finds him, drags him back to his cabin, and pieces him back together with different animal organs. We don't know exactly what organs and what animal they came from, but Marvin seems to be part dog (good sniffer and likes to hump mailboxes), part horse, goat-lover, and possibly beaver among other things (like Flipper's cousin).

I laughed out loud a few times, but I probably wouldn't pay another 7 bucks for only a few times. Go ahead, I know you're bored and have nothing else to do tonight. If you want to see something a little different, but not totally genius, go see The Animal in theatres now. Then again, you could save it for one of those nights when you say to a friend or family member, "Hmmm...I don't know, what do you want to rent?"

Ashley Cook is a writer and student living in Los Angeles and anxiously seeking an internship.